Toddlers: Little People With Big Needs

Toddlerhood is a challenging time for both toddlers and their caregivers. Toddlers are pulled in two very different directions developmentally. They have a strong desire to be independent and to do things all by themselves, yet simultaneously, they still are very much dependent on their caregivers and need constant reassurance that they will not be left alone. These two needs are quite contradictory, yet being aware of these competing needs can be helpful to a caregiver’s understanding of her sometimes demanding, clingy, emotional, and frustrated toddler.

These contradictory needs can help us to understand why sometimes the toddler is excited to explore his surroundings and gleefully walk away from his caregiver, delighted with the ability to walk independently. And how at other times he wants to be held and carried, and crumples to the ground with frustrated screams when his mother puts him down to walk. He could be in a new situation and needs his mother’s reassurance that she’s there with him. He may be feeling more vulnerable and wants to feel the physical support of his mother’s arms wrapped around him. Soon enough he will be squirming to get out of her arms and want to walk by himself again.

These big needs can be overwhelming, and the toddler often feels out of control. She wants to choose things for herself, but needs the limits that parents set to help her feel contained and safe. She can usually understand much more of what is said to her than she can actually say. She knows what she wants, but sometimes doesn’t know how to make herself understood. These frustrating circumstances contribute to the toddlers temper tantrums. Caregivers often feel helpless in the face of such emotional outburst, but sometimes just being there until the tantrum subsides is the best thing to do.